HUNTERMAN

Hunter Man
Antler Dancer
who loved the hunt
the chase
the wild long walk
on the rounded hills --

quiet in the forest
see how quiet you can be

Deer in the thicket
startled, bounds
is brought down
with one shot
one shot only
no compromise

I see you
in the faded photograph
sitting with the deerhead
in your lap, hear you voice
"Go in behind the front leg
at a forty-five degree angle
quick, clean, straight
to the heart
stops the old red engine
its merciful that way..."

What sacred geometry
was that
to calculate death's angle
so precisely
That was mercy?
I did not understand
back then
but I loved you
loved you
loved you
wanted to walk and talk
and dress like you
think like you
smell like you
pee like you
be like you
So I take up the 22
sight down the long barrel
and draw a bead on life
Daddy, you taught me killer Zen.

You said "I am a simple man..."
to your best friend Eddie
your fishing partner
your hunting mate
you said you knew him
almost better than
you knew your wife
Uh huh, Daddy
handsome Eddie
who started staring
at my breasts
the summer I was ten
At twelve he was
feeling me up
in the barn at night

Alfalfa and manure
the cows warm breath
the summer's warm breath
Eddie's warm breath
on my neck
as he stood behind
cupping my breasts
and murmuring
"Such pretty little buds...
darlin' let me bite them
please, please, please"

The smell of hay
upon the breeze
always reminds me
of the summer I was twelve
you stopped the hunting trips
abruptly you said with averted eyes
"You're not a boy
It's time you learn
what the women do..."

But Daddy, thanks to Eddy
handsome virile Eddie
your very best friend Eddie
Daddy I already knew.

Eddie called the other day
forth years down the line
I told him I was fine
I liked just like I did
the day you died.

MOM

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